Thursday 163- Let's celebrate warm weather!

[RICHARD]

Tell me about someplace you would like to spend a week at.

I think Lemon Drops are the DOTD.

Sorry,I am flat today, got alot on my mind.


Come here Mario. sit with uncle Richard and make him laugh.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Sorry, I don't want to spend a week anywhere else right now. :D

It's hot here and now that I discovered I like ac, I don't want to leave it. :D
As long as I control the thermostat, I don't have to freeze but can have it just the way I like it. Being the control freak that I am, that makes me :D .

I'd love a big cherry limeade though. If Mario won't share the cherries, a regular limeade will do. ;) :D

[davidpizzica]

Oh, Mario! Now you have TWO guys to sit with. RICHARD, I'll have a double lemon drop, please. As for where I'd like to spend a week? I'd like to spend it where I spent a few hours on may 12th, Niagara Falls! I enjoyed myself immensely, and was impressed by the friendliness and the warmth of the people there.

[captain]

Hang on - OxyMoron ............. Richard Flat???????
Nope, can't be .....

Come here Richard. You can sit with me if you like ..... I can make you laugh just with my accent ...:D

DOTD please ........... hang on, you SIT there, and I will make drinks for us.

Here are some pathetic jokes, to make you smile .........

What do you call a man sitting in a tree?
RUSSELL

What do you call a man lying at your feet?
MATT

What do you call a man with NO legs?
NEIL


OH BOY, I could go on for days .......... :D

{{{hugs for FLAT OxyMoron RICHARD}}}

[RedHedd]

Ah, send me to Tahiti for a week.

Richard, Flat? No way!

I'll have a nice cool iced tea to go before I hit the 101 to go home. Make it a tall one, as traffic is BAD.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

ANYWHERE, as long as I'm in the motorhome...and it's working properly. ;)

Another lame joke to go along with Captain's,

What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don't because he won't come anyway!
Bwwwwaaaahhhaaahhhaaahhaaaaa....heeeheeeehee....te ehee....sometimes I crack myself up.

Yeah, I need a DOTD, or two or three. Aw h*ll, just give me the usual pitcher full for now.....maybe my week will start going better once I finish the entire pitcher. :rolleyes:

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Richard Flat? Richard Flat? Hmmmm.... wasn't he the one who played the music for the Beverly Hillbillies with Earl Scruggs??? ;)
(flat and scruggs???)

[Edwina's Secretary]

What do you call a man floating in your pool?...Bob....

What do you call a man hanging on your wall?....Art...

What do you call a man in the bank?...Rich...

How am I doing Captain????

[captain]

OMyGoodness - we have descended into bad jokes .............

It must be Thursday :D

P.S. I like those, Sara ....... :D, and T&PM!!!

[RICHARD]

OMyGoodness - we have descended into bad jokes .............

It must be Thursday :D

P.S. I like those, Sara ....... :D, and T&PM!!!

Oh no..the gal with no legs?


her name is Eileen....

A double lemon drop for david and A/c for MM.
A open Highway for T&P.
A ticket for Cap't. so she can meet my boss (LOL, I love girl fights!) one pitcher of the DOTD...
MOFF, for you a CD of the Beverly Hillbillies! ;) and a Cherry Lemonade.
REDD gets a helicopter..
And ES...
You continually amaze me. My mom said to me once.

Caras miras, pero corazones no...

(you see faces, but you can't see a heart....)

She's right. You cannot see a person's heart unless they let you. :)

DONE!

[trayi52]

Sorry, I can't think of not even one "bad" joke this morning, Sara, Captain, and T & P, I thought yours was so bad, they were funny!

I'll take a drink of the day, and with that in mind, I can't think of a place I would rather be right now than right here at home.

Richard Flat, well I don't believe that at all! You'll never be that!

Willie :)

[lbaker]

Where does someone with one leg like best to eat? IHOP :p *OMD, for my 4000 post I tell a sick joke :o , arrest me now*

[trayi52]

OMG! That is so bad, it is hilarious, Laurie!! Just love it! I love all these jokes. Hope everybody come up with lots of them today.

4,000 posts? Wow, I say we should celebrate that! Quick, lets all celebrate!!

Willie :D

[moosmom]

Lame jokes today, huh??

What do you call a woman with a wooden leg??

Peg

:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Okay, just gimme my damn lemon drop and I'll go sit in a corner.

Where I'd REALLY like to be is at Bolton Lake in Bolton, Ct.

[finn's mom]

Here's a lame joke. Two potatoes are standing on a street corner. How can you tell which one's the prostitute?

The one with the sticker that says "IDAHO."

I'll take a lemon drop, Richard. Thank you!

[RedHedd]

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs...

...in front of the door?
Matt

...in a ditch?
Phil

...in your hot tub?
Stu

...on your BBQ grill?
Frank

...waterskiing
Skip

...on a beach?
Sandy

...in a pool?
Bob

...on the wall?
Art

And what do you call his arms and legs?
Pieces of Art

What if he also doesn't have a tongue?
Tasteless Art

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...

...in a pile of leaves?
Russell

Same guy after 6 months?
Pete

What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs in the water?
Swimming trunks

What do you call two guys with no arms & no legs hanging on a wall?
Curt 'n Rod

What do you call a guy with no legs and one arm, holding up your car?
Jack

What do you call a guy with no feet?
Neil

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter that the other?
Eileen

An Asian woman with the same affliction?
Irene

After the operation?
Noleen

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?
Lean Ground Beef

[moosmom]

RedHedd,

Boy, you've got 'em all down pat. What did ya do, memorize them??? :p :rolleyes:

BTW, ya forgot the PADAMPUMP (drum) at the end.

[Edwina's Secretary]

And I thought I would get into trouble for telling the "no-arms no-legs jokes!"

Oaky....there is a woman who has had terrrible luck with men. So she runs an ad in ther Personals....

"Wanted: a man who won't beat me or run around with ohter women. Must be a good lover."

Her door bell rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs. She tells him she already gave at the office.

"No," he says, "I'm here to answer your ad."

"But, but...." she says....

He explains..."I have no arms so I won't beat you, I have no legs so I won't run around with other women."

SHe replies...."But there was one other requirement."

"How do you think I rang the door bell?"

[finn's mom]

"How do you think I rang the door bell?"

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

[RedHedd]

RedHedd,

Boy, you've got 'em all down pat. What did ya do, memorize them??? :p :rolleyes:

BTW, ya forgot the PADAMPUMP (drum) at the end.
Google is my friend! :D

[finn's mom]

I love the joke from Pulp Fiction.

Mama Tomato, Papa Tomato and Baby Tomato are walking down the street together.

Baby Tomato starts lagging behind.

Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back to Baby Tomato.

Steps on him and says.

Ketchup. ;)

[moosmom]

Roflmao!!!!!

[smokey the elder]

(With apologies to anyone with Hansen's Disease in the audience)...

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

...there was a face off in the corner!

[finn's mom]

(With apologies to anyone with Hansen's Disease in the audience)...

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

...there was a face off in the corner!

that's sick! i love it! ;)

[Lady's Human]

Richard, the place I'd love to spend a week?

Whitney Point, NY

to add to the bad jokes:

A string walks into a bar, gets up on the barstool and orders a beer. The bartender points to a sign on the wall that says "No string allowed" and tells him "We don't serve your kind here".

Frustrated, the string walks out into the parking lot. He gets so frustrated he loops around himself and rubs the top of his head against the wall. After taking out his frustration, he walks back into the bar and orders a beer again. The bartender tells him "Didn't I just tell you we don't serve string?". The string looks at the bartender and tells him "no,I'm a frayed knot".

badumbum.

[Logan]

***groans***

OMG...........you guys have had one too many Lemon Drops, I think! LOL!!! :p

I'll take one, Bartender.

Logan

[lizbud]

OMG these jokes are soooo bad, but soooo funny. :D A few are really
laugh out loud funny. :D

[catland]

<groan> - you're too much. As I look outside I see a big raincloud ready to join me on my travels home.

What are a redneck's last words....

Here, hold my beer and watch this. :eek:

[Cincy'sMom]

I'm not sure how well knock, knock jokes work on-line, but we'll give it a try

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Control Freak, now what youa re going to say here is...

[DJFyrewolf36]

Control freak who? lol

Hey all...I'd love to spend a week anywhere there is a party...Burning Man is the tradtional week long party but I'd be down to make my own with all of you guys! You're funny...

And make good drinks! I'll take a DOTD and some cantnip teas for all the kitties, who have decided to join me today :)

Heres my bad joke contribution...

Whats the last thing on a bugs mind after he hits a windshield?

His Arse :D

[captain]

A ticket for Cap't. so she can meet my boss (LOL, I love girl fights!) one pitcher of the DOTD...
DONE!

Richard,
I don't fight like a girl ............ is that OK?
I don't SLAP, I punch - properly.
23 years of Martial Arts will do that to you.

OH, AND

What do you call a man with a shovel?
DOUG

What do you call a man who has lost his shovel?
DOUGLAS


ROTFLMAO ..... :D

[DJFyrewolf36]

My friend here just told me a funny joke...

Why is PMS called PMS?

Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken!

You may all boo and hiss acordingly ;)

[gini]

BOO!!! HISS!!!

Oh my, why am I laughing? All of those jokes are terrible!

It is those lemon drops I betcha!!

[RICHARD]

oh my,

I want to celebrate the weather and look what happens!

You all are a very special group of people.


This week was bad for keyboard players, data enty clerks and leaders of
insurgent terrorists.

Rip Billy Perstom.
Rot in hades zarkowi ( why do terrorists have unspellable names?) :confused:
and god bless the people behind the scenes who do the dirty work for bosses... :D

Whitney Point.......

spill the beans..... :D

LOL, You all will go to the bad place for being so un-PC.....

Remember....

Look for the table at the right to the entrance of H%ll.


I'll be waiting with slushies for you all... ;)
DONE?

[lbaker]

My department at work is "Publishing & Member Service" ~ aka PMS. Maybe that's why I'm occasionally stressed :eek: :rolleyes: Am I allowed to dance on that table to the right of the entrance Richard? I promise not to tip over the slushies :p

[Killearn Kitties]

Is it too early for a lemon drop martini? It's almost 1pm here and very hot. Not as hot as where Laurie and Richard seem to be, but hot nonetheless! :D I really need a drink after some of those jokes. They are terrible, so why am I laughing?

You could just pour me a slushie while you are up there, Laurie. Do you have enough ice cubes? Must be hard keeping those pitchers cold enough.

[lbaker]

Welcome to the proverbial cold day in H%ll Karen. Cold, icy slushies are do-able at Thursdays. Even if it's Friday :p

[Killearn Kitties]

Oh oh oh, I finally remembered one of those jokes!

What do you call a man with no ears?
Anything you like, he can't hear you.

This is a good slushie, Laurie. Now where is Trev? He won't need to set up the BBQ here, we can just hold the kebabs over the flames!

[lbaker]

USDA PRIME, TENDER, SUCCULENT AND NATURALLY AGED (and the BBQ's not bad either.) :eek:

[Karen]

Whitney Point.......

spill the beans..... :D


Whitney Point is home for Lady's Human, but he hasn't been there in over a month.

He has in mind a lovely, green spot, with race horsies in the pasture next door, moo-cows across the street (except when "the girls" decide to visit), and Lady's Other Human, Marylin, Axel, Lady Pippin and Trillian all in residence.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I'm groaning, LMAO, rolling my eyes and LOL all at the same time. :p :D :rolleyes: :D

You guys are too much, but thanks, I needed the laughs. :D

Did somebody mention food on the barbie for lunch? Bring it on! But I'm hungry for some of MOFF's onion rings too, so hopefully she'll come out of her wonderful A/C long enough to drop some off. Of course, nachos and pizza sounds great right now too. Hmmm....it's only 10:30 am here, but I think I'm ready for lunch!

Mario, sweety, can you share a cherry or two with me to tide me over for the next 1 1/2 hours?

[gini]

What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
Close the door, I'm dressing.

I just thought if I contributed my own bad joke that it would help make this Friday fun.

I just received some refinance papers from a client to complete. He signed it on May 11th. But there is a note attached from him that says..........
Gini, please complete this ASAP.

What is that saying? Your lack of organization is not my emergency.

Start lining up those lemon drops for me, please.

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Got this in an email this morning. For some reason, it made me think of Pet Talk!!! :D Onion rings on the way for T&Ps mum!!!

A THREE YEAR OLD BOY WENT WITH HIS DAD TO SEE A LITTER OF KITTENS. ON RETURNING HOME, HE BREATHLESSLY INFORMED HIS MOTHER,
" THERE WERE TWO BOY KITTENS AND TWO GIRL KITTENS."
HOW DID YOU KNOW? HIS MOTHER ASKED.
" DADDY PICKED THEM UP AND LOOKED UNDERNEATH." HE REPLIED.
" I THINK IT'S PRINTED ON THE BOTTOM."

[catland]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? ... Pumpkin pi.



RE: Billy Preston - he will be missed. Funny thing, until I saw it in his obit, I always thought that his song "Will it go round in circles" was "Willy go round in circles" - I never understood who Willy was. :D

[RedHedd]

RE: Billy Preston - he will be missed. Funny thing, until I saw it in his obit, I always thought that his song "Will it go round in circles" was "Willy go round in circles" - I never understood who Willy was. :D Willy Preston? :D May he rest in peace

[slick]

Your lack of organization is not my emergency.
I used to have a sign on the very front of my desk and it said "Lack of prior planning on your part does not constitute and emergency on my part." It was there for years until the new CEO came on board and made me remove it.

Helloooo everyone! Sorry, don't have any corney jokes...I doubt I could top all of yours anyway. Lunchtime here and I'm enjoying some leftover Shepards Pie....no not pi, silly. MOFF, sure could use some onion rings to go with it, and how about a big old Lemon Drop to start off the afternoon with.

Let's have a toast to Terry and Debbie and their new adventure. :) Roll your way up here and help me to figure out this digicam. It's driving me crazy. :o

[Killearn Kitties]

CHEERS! to Terry and Debbie. Debbie tells me the motorhome is not legal on our roads, but I don't believe her. When are they coming here???????

Brilliant sign you used to have Slick! Wish I had had one in my last job.

[RedHedd]

Your lack of organization is not my emergency.
I have a little sign on my desk: "Nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do the work."

No one has noticed it (yet). ;)

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Thanks everybody. :D

I'm ready for some more LDMs please. Hmmm...someday I'm actually going to have to try one of these. :D

"Will IT go 'round in circles"???? I had NO idea! :rolleyes: :o

Don't remember if this one has been covered yet, if so, just give me another LDM and repeat them ALL over to me again so I can get the giggles again. :D

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

[RICHARD]

Thanks everybody. :D

I'm ready for some more LDMs please. Hmmm...someday I'm actually going to have to try one of these. :D

"Will IT go 'round in circles"???? I had NO idea! :rolleyes: :o

Don't remember if this one has been covered yet, if so, just give me another LDM and repeat them ALL over to me again so I can get the giggles again. :D

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef

Will it go round in circles?

Like the 'round tuit'

It was a pic of a circle with the words "round tuit" inside......

The JOke?

You will get what you asked for when I get a "round tuit"....


DUMB? opps! i mean DONE!

________________

LH,

"home is where I want to be
Pick me up and then turn me 'round
I feel numb-born with a weak heart
I guess I must be having fun..."

One of my most fave talking heads songs...

Thanks Karen.

----------------
In the 84 Olympics I attended the Greco Roman wrestling event the night after Jeff Blatnick won the first gold for the US in years.

He had cancer, beat t and then competed.

When they asked him about his fete he answered.

"nothing is impossible, the impossible just takes longer."

:)

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Ok, so what is IT? and why do we care if IT goes round in circles???? :eek: :D

[lbaker]

I know what ITT sisters are :p Or, WHO they are! Perhaps we ITT sisters will get a round tuit. Better than being square or obtuse I suppose :rolleyes:

[slick]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/Fister/LA%20July%202005/Laurie--Vickie.jpg :D :D :D

[DJFyrewolf36]

That picture is really really really funny LOL! :D

Geez....it appears I'm missing something...perhaps a trip down south is in order!

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

A little red tomato was mourning . "What's up honey?" asked a carrot.
"Dad says mom's dead and buried in a bottle!"
"No no, little one, she isn't dead, she is ketchup now!" :rolleyes:

[Randi]

Weather!! He he, it’s 23 degrees here, and only 18 in California. :D I won’t be laughing tomorrow morning though - am starting a temp. job. Wish me luck! ;)

Here’s a few silly ones in honor of B & S sitting over the atlantic now. Am I envious or not!! Cheers for a pleasant and safe flight!! :)

N12345: "Boeing ground, N12345. Can you give me a radio check?"
BFI Ground: "You sound like you're calling from a tin can."
N12345: "We *are* calling from a tin can..."

"Flight 1234, for noise abatement, turn right 45 degrees.."
"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"
"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?"
The clerk said, "Just a minute."
"Thank you," the man said and hung up.

[lbaker]

Zippy - I need you to post the picture of poor Arnold The Carrott that was so unhappy at the veggie prom.. you know the one ;)

[gini]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v205/Fister/LA%20July%202005/Laurie--Vickie.jpg :D :D :D

And this kind of thing was going on in my kitchen! :eek: :eek: :D

[Randi]

And this kind of thing was going on in my kitchen! :eek: :eek: :D
Yes Gini, and we had a lot of fun!! :D

I should submit that picture somewhere and get a prize!! ;)

B & S are halfway over the Atlantic now!! Cheers up there! :)

[lbaker]

Randi, you might win a booby prize with that one! Mary *official PetTalk Bag Lady* may learn how to "mince" not chop onions and we ALL know what happened to the broom :eek: ;) :D What happens in Gini's kitchen, stays in Gini's kitchen ;)