sad thread

[regpster]

Hi I'm a regular poster. I made this name cus I'm kind of embarrassed.

BUT I was wondering if it is possible to put my dog in temp foster care untill spouse and I work on our marriage. I was thinking of having a trial seperation and he doesn't really care for animals. So I am stuck doing everything for them.

Have any of you thought of doing this? Or had to do this?

if you think you know who I am, feel free to pm me.

[caseysmom]

I would try putting hubby in temporary foster care first and see if he improves
:D Sorry couldn't help myself. I am sorry you are going through this. If your pets are important to you I would think this would make you resent your husband. An issue as big as this does need to be addressed, can you live your life without a pet? I don't think I could.

[Rachel]

I don't have a clue as to who you are, but when you say you are *stuck doing everything for them* it makes me wonder what your commitment is to your animals. Generally we don't find people here who take their relationship with their animals so lightly. And just what kind of *temporary foster care* do you envision being available for your dog?

Please don't get me wrong. I've been in a position where I made decisions about my pets that I regretted. It was a situation of illness and I didn't believe I had any other alternative. Looking back, I believe I could have made it without giving up my dogs and not a day goes by where that decision doesn't haunt me and it was 30 years ago. Sometimes what looks bleak can be made possible by taking it one day at a time. Please reconsider this approach and look to ways to find the strength you need at this time.

[regpster]

I really didn't mean for it to come out that way. What I mean is that I do everything. I know I'm supposed to. These animals are ours. But I feel that they are more so mine because he doesn't help.

The same as I feel about our children. He barely helps with them. I was only thinking of temp foster cus if I went to an apartment... well I guess I could search for one that will except the larger breeds. But that would be larger deposit that I would have to save up for.

I love my animals I really do. But it's not fair for the one that can't be trusted out of the crate by himself for 9 hours a day.

This is how much I love my animals.

Back when I was younger, I couldn't keep my cat because I was homeless and staying with hubby, but he wasn't hubby then. Well, I coudn't find someone to keep her for a lil while. I took her to humane society where she got really sick. So I adopted her back because it just tore me up sooo bad. I had her boarded up at the vets office where she got better and untill bf and I got moved in our own apartment. I paid $8 a day for 3 months.

So really, I'm just trying to think of the best interest for my dog. My cat pretty much sleeps all day. Cat is easy to take care of. But dog needs more.


I would try putting hubby in temporary foster care first and see if he improves

lol I wish.

[lizbud]

I couldn't possibly offer advice to someone who has such a big problem
that they sign up as another person to ask for it. :confused: I think I
know who this is as you have alluded to the problem in other posts. Get
a spine and ask for help if you need it.

[regpster]

Kick me while I'm down would ya!

[Glacier]

i'm a little confused here and I'm not trying to be rude, but is the lack of help with the animals really the biggest problem in your marriage? I have 31 animals here. I am soley responsible for their care. My husband does big projects--builds fences, doghouses, stuff like that. He is not involved in their day to day care. He loves them, but he doesn't do the feeding, scooping, walking ect. He tells people he has one dog(Muskwa, who he owned before we met) and one cat, Polly Paws(who hates me and adores him).

If I need help, I just ask, very clearly with detailed instructions. I leave him 3 typed pages of instructions when I have to go away! He's always willing to help if I ask him!

Now I don't resent having to do all the animal care, I love it. I look forward to it, (except the poop scooping, but it's gotta be done!). It's my privledge to share my life with these creatures. I chose to bring them into my life. If something else I'd rather do has to slide to meet there needs, so be it. The time and energy they take wouldn't even be on a list of my problems!

You mentioned you have children. If you're seriously considering leaving, even a trial seperation, you better think long and hard about their needs too. My sister did a trial seperation, that has now turned into an ugly divorce. Her kids are paying the price for her decisions. Her dog and her cats are just fine, her kids are a mess! I don't know any couples who did a "trial seperation" and ended up getting back together. They all ended up divorced.

I hope you find a solution that works for your entire family.

[shais_mom]

I have no clue who you are but I really feel for the sanity of yourself and children you should probably just make a clean break. Unfortunately it doesn't sound like you have a great relationship and you and your kids deserve much much more.

[Pembroke_Corgi]

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a hard time. :( If I were in that position, I think I would need my pets more than ever! I can't imagine going through a rough spot without someone there for me, and my pets always cheer me up, without fail. :) If you are concerned about your pets not having enough time with company, maybe you should hire someone to come and spend a little time with them. Granted, if money is tight then maybe a friend could look in on them.

I know that renting with pets can be tough, but it can definately be done! I've always managed to find a place, and every place so far has been pet-deposit and pet-rent free! I just talk directly to the landlord, explain how well-behaved my pets are, and they are usually ok with it.

[regpster]

but is the lack of help with the animals really the biggest problem in your marriage

nope, the pets aren't causing any of it. Just that I don't know what is the best thing to do. I would have to take them with me, or foster them, or rehome them depending on what is going to happen.

Right now I am just thinking over a lot of things. And you are right, trial is not the way to go. So it's either stay or not.

If I stay it's bad on both me an lil ones. Because mommy not happy. If I leave, I will try and find an apt that will let me have my doggie.

Thank you guys for your advice. You guys really are truley helpfull and very caring. *hugs*

[finn's mom]

I can understand not wanting to come straight out under your regular name. It can be very hard to ask for help. I don't know who you are, and, it's not important. Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be.

[regpster]

I can understand not wanting to come straight out under your regular name. It can be very hard to ask for help. I don't know who you are, and, it's not important. Good luck with your decision, whatever it may be.
Thank you :)

[Glacier]

nope, the pets aren't causing any of it.

And you are right, trial is not the way to go. So it's either stay or not.


Ok, that's what I thought, but just wanted to be sure. Having to take care of the pets seemed like an awfully silly reason to end a marriage!

My sis and her soon to be ex did a couple of trials. Everyone told her to make a choice and stick to it. I'm not fond of her ex, but if she had decided to stay with him I would have supported that choice. She has three of the most amazing little girls ever. The kids were terribly confused. Dad was there and then he was gone. He's not a terribly involved Dad, but it was still very confusing for them, especially the two younger girls. Now he's gone, has a visitation schedule and everyone knows what's going on, including the girls. They are much more stable and happier again. Sis is happier and therefore a better Mom too.

Good luck. I can't imagine being in your shoes!

[Cataholic]

I have no clue who you are, and it doesn't matter, but, posting under a faux name suggests there is more going on than your original post.

Why ever are you considering leaving a husband, with whom you have (small?) children without having any significant reason? Mommy isn't happy? That is your husband's fault? Happiness comes with uprooting your children, possibly displacing your pets, and moving into an apartment? You don't have a fail-proof back up plan? Why would YOU leave the house (I presume it is a house since you talk about renting with pets being an issue)? Why wouldn't he? And, how does a trial separation help with working on a marriage? Why aren't you two in counseling?

Sounds like you haven't thought this through very much at all. I think if I were contemplating leaving my husband, with whom I had children, I would be a little bit more on the ball then this.

And, lest you accuse anyone of kicking you while you are down, you did ask for opinions, and really, from an outsiders perspective, this seems like a very rash, flighty decision.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Your kids and animals need you and appreciate you - your husband sounds like he needs a boot up the backside!

I hope things turn out well for you no matter what you decide - I, for one, couldn't be without my animals. Good luck to you {{{hugs}}}

[Queen of Poop]

You're in a pickle. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. You need to figure out what will make you happy and will be of most benefit to your children. It's a really tough spot. I've recently read a book that has given me a whole new perspective on living and life. It is called The Hidden Messages in Water by Dr. Masaru Emoto. If read with an open mind and open heart I guarantee it will give you a whole new outlook on life. I can't believe how my way of thinking has changed since reading this book. It's a rather short book with lots of photos. Give it a try before you make any decisions.

[Karen]

Wouldn't you be better off finding hubby a place to rent and kicking him out for a while? If he doesn't care for the animals, he'd have an easier time renting a place. Rather than a "trial separation," have you two had an sort of counseling?

[regpster]

And, lest you accuse anyone of kicking you while you are down, you did ask for opinions, and really, from an outsiders perspective, this seems like a very rash, flighty decision.
This is why I said it


I couldn't possibly offer advice to someone who has such a big problem
that they sign up as another person to ask for it. :confused: I think I
know who this is as you have alluded to the problem in other posts. Get
a spine and ask for help if you need it.


It would be better if he left. But he's the one that makes all the money. So I coulnd't afford myself to pay for the house and all that it takes to keep it.

He has agreed to counseling. There is more to the story. But I do hope that it will help.

[Cataholic]

I think you should consult with an attorney, or, a woman's shelter/advocacy group.

Just because he makes all the money doesn't mean you would be left destitute if you stayed in the house. A temporary order would go on, ordering him to pay such expenses until things are sorted out.

However, knowing the financial situation you would find yourself, once you left, I would start making some plans now.

[carole]

I am sorry to hear that you are in this situation, it is not an easy one, with children and pets involved, I really cannot offer you advice, but just want to say I have empathy for what you are going through right now, and i hope you find the courage and strength to do what is right for you, your children and your pets, HUGS.