View Full Version : Today I have to put my best friend to sleep...
http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/smudgie.jpg
He was 4 months old here..
I know the picture is blurry, but it's my favorite one, and it's in a crystal frame..
His name is Evinrude Smudge, Smudgie for short... He is 10 and his bowel and bladder have given out...
So in ten minutes I'll be calling the vet to make an appointment for this afternoon... I've cut off a bit of his fur, and am going to do a Rainbow Bridge Memorial to him and have it mounted on particleboard.
I hardly slept last night, and my eyes are so sore from crying... who knew tear ducts don't dry out?
:(
Today is going to be a very rough day... Please let me hold your virtual hands...
Consider my hand in yours. I am so sorry to hear what is ahead of you today. This is the horrible part of loving a pet - saying goodbye. :( Please know that you and your beloved kitty are in our thoughts today. I have been down that road before and I grieve with you. :( :(
Former User
05-07-2002, 07:19 AM
Oh no..I know how you feel...I'm here for you too. I'm so sorry.
Logan
05-07-2002, 07:23 AM
Your Smudgie was a beautiful baby. I can certainly understand why you love that picture so much. What wonderful memories you will always carry with you. I assume that Evinrude came from his wonderful motor! That is a precious name.
Please know that our thoughts and prayers will be with you this afternoon. Your baby will finally be free of all of his problems, and he will be joining some pretty special pets that all of us have lost over the years. Just take it one day at a time, and when you feel like it, come back and tell us all about Smudgie.
Logan
Karen
05-07-2002, 07:30 AM
Oooh poor Smudgie - he was a well-loved cat, and will live on forever in your heart, curled up in a corner of it, purring away for those times when you need him most.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
lynnestankard
05-07-2002, 08:26 AM
LA my heart goes out to you - such a sad day for you. You'll hold all the precious memories of Smudgie for ever! And I'm holding your hand as you go into a very difficult day - god bless xxx
Lynne
Heather Wallace
05-07-2002, 08:32 AM
Sorry to hear about poor smudge, at least he had a happy life with you.
sasvermont
05-07-2002, 08:50 AM
You are doing the right thing. It is a difficult decision, to say the least, but a kind decision for sure.
I will think of you today.... I have done the same with three cats so far and each time it makes more sense to me, but it doesn't get any easier on me.
Bless you and your kitty.
My thoughts will be with you today. I have experienced the same and I know how hard and heart breaking it can be. We are all here for you.
... Dad drove the long way and he was looking out the window at the fields and the geese.. He twisted around and put his head in the crook of my arm and just laid there... I told him over and over that I loved him and that I hope he forgives me...
Do you think he does?
Here's some shots I took this morning about 1/2 before we went for that long walk...
http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-1.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-2.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-3.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-4.jpg http://216.40.249.40/~golden/personal/050702-5.jpg
AmberLee
05-07-2002, 09:53 AM
{{{LA and Smudgie}}} <- cyberhug.
Will hold you both in my thoughts and prayers. What a terribly difficult thing for you. Sometimes the loving, best thing is to allow love to be free.
I think your Rainbow Bridge memorial will bring you much relief and peace when you can face making it.
Regards.
AmberLee
05-07-2002, 09:56 AM
Originally posted by L-A.
... told him over and over that I loved him and that I hope he forgives me... Do you think he does?...
I believe he not only forgives you but thanks you for the release from pain. Forgive yourself now.
He looks so precious and loving. Do let us know when your tribute is up. I'd like to learn more about him.
Former User
05-07-2002, 10:00 AM
Originally posted by L-A.
... Dad drove the long way and he was looking out the window at the fields and the geese.. He twisted around and put his head in the crook of my arm and just laid there... I told him over and over that I loved him and that I hope he forgives me...
Do you think he does?
Yes, (I did exactly the same thing with my dog...) Smudgie for sure isn't mad for you doing this, don't think that! He knows that you loved him very much and he is grateful for the wonderful time you shared with him, the joy your brought for him, the good life your provided him. How can he hate you? He knows too that he was ill, and that it was his time. Animals also realise when it's their time to go. By what you told, he had a wonderful last day and last moments with you, he will always remember you with warmth, and he is watching you now from the Rainbow Bridge.
Take good care of yourself now and allow yourself to grief. If you feel like it, let us know how you are doing, ok? We know here at PT how you feel, and we are here for you, always.
Niina
PS. Gorgeous pics!
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read your post and saw the beautiful pictures of your Smudgie. The decision you have had to make is one of the most difficult you will face in life. So many of us have had to make this decision and we are very glad that you came to us so we could reach out to you and share your grief.
Does Smudgie forgive you - oh yes, he isn't in pain anymore. Now you have to forgive yourself and realize that you did one of the kindest things for him aside from all of the love you gave him over the past ten years.
I know that every one of us reaches out to you and gives you a big hug and we wish we could take your pain away.
You will be kept in my prayers.
Kirsten
05-07-2002, 10:49 AM
Now I'm crying...
(((((L-A and Smudgie ))))
I'm so very sorry about your loss, and I know how you feel, I've been through the same, like so many of us here... It's the hardest decision a pet "owner" has to make... You wonder if he forgives you, and I'm sure he will, because he knows that you made this decision to make an end to his suffering, and because you love him...
You and your beautiful Smudgie will be in my thoughts today.
Kirsten
Tubby & Peanut's Mom
05-07-2002, 11:40 AM
Originally posted by gini
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read your post and saw the beautiful pictures of your Smudgie.
Yes, yes....so sad. We just lost a dear friend in our Corvette "community" and poor Smudgie on top of this is just too much to bear. :(
I know that every one of us reaches out to you and gives you a big hug and we wish we could take your pain away.
Yes, again. Please take comfort in our joining in your sorrow. You did what was best for Smudge instead of being selfish and keeping him around for your own sake when his body said it was time to go. I know he thanks you for that.
Such a sad day.
:(
PS - Thanks Gini for putting into words exactly what I was feeling and wanted to say.
zippy-kat
05-07-2002, 11:52 AM
soo sorry for your loss!!!
{{hugs}}
momoffuzzyfaces
05-07-2002, 12:06 PM
My heart breaks for you because I've been through the same thing. I'm sure Smudgie forgives you. You loved him enough to not let him suffer anymore. He's now at peace at the Rainbow Bridge and is well and free from pain. I think when they get there, they also are given the wisdom to understand the love and tears it takes for their humans to let them go there. I think it makes them love us more because they know we did all we could for them and in spite of our grief, did what was best for them. You are in my prayers.
wolflady
05-07-2002, 12:13 PM
Originally posted by gini
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read your post and saw the beautiful pictures of your Smudgie. The decision you have had to make is one of the most difficult you will face in life. So many of us have had to make this decision and we are very glad that you came to us so we could reach out to you and share your grief.
Does Smudgie forgive you - oh yes, he isn't in pain anymore. Now you have to forgive yourself and realize that you did one of the kindest things for him aside from all of the love you gave him over the past ten years.
I know that every one of us reaches out to you and gives you a big hug and we wish we could take your pain away.
You will be kept in my prayers.
I couldn't have put it better. The tears are just flowing, seeing the pictures of your Smudgie....
Lots of love and cyber hugs are going out to you and your family today. I'm glad that you found this community when you need it the most. You'll soon come to find what a wonderful circle of people we have here, and that we're all here for you. This is the toughest part of having a pet, but take comfort in the faithful friend that shared his life with you and know that he had a great life:) No doubt he was loved very very much!
**hugs**
Karen
lynnestankard
05-07-2002, 12:15 PM
Dear LA there is no doubt about it - there is no need for forgiveness. You did the best thing for Smudgie. And make no mistake - he knows it.
Your last photos are wonderful and you can always remember him - in fact you'll never forget your lovely furbaby.
{{{{Lots of hugs}}}}
Lynne
His picture fell off the bookshelf, so I know he's here! He came back to me! :D
All I can do is look at his picture and say 'I'm sorry'...
When I was 20, my daughter died. When I was 21, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and had to have a hysterectomy.. I had just met my husband.. We considered the cats our children because they relied and depended on us the same way... Now I am down to three, and my Russian Blue, Ashes, which was Smudgie's best friend, brother, companion and groomer, is wandering around looking for him and talking in a very 'questioning' voice, almost as if he's saying, 'Mom? Where's Smudgie? I can't find him anywhere! Will he be coming home? SMUDGIE! Where are you??' and it's breaking my heart...
Can cats die of a broken heart? The last thing I need is my 'Ashi Kobiashi' going, too...
Thank you all so much for your heartfelt sympathy, you have no idea what it means to me, none at all.. I've been coming to 'Cat of the Day' daily for about 3 years now... it's like a home now.. Thank you again, so much, I love you all...
I MISS YOU, SMUDGEMAN!
momoffuzzyfaces
05-07-2002, 12:54 PM
Originally posted by L-A.
His picture fell off the bookshelf, so I know he's here! He came back to me! :D
All I can do is look at his picture and say 'I'm sorry'...
I think he has come back to let you know he is ok now and to let you know he will always be with you. He wouldn't want you to feel guilty for setting him free. He probably wants to thank you for all your love over the years. I do think sometimes after a death, the ones left behind, are granted a visit from their loved one.
I'm sure my Dad visited me after his death. Take it as a very special gift and a sign he is well and happy now, and still loves you a lot.
lynnestankard
05-07-2002, 12:57 PM
Oh LA - I'm in tears now - he's telling you of his love and you can let him go - wish him God Speedxxxx
Lynne
.. he won't be there for our nightly snuggle...
This gets easier, right? The pain goes away eventually?
Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so damn much??
Kirsten
05-07-2002, 01:36 PM
L-A, you've been through a lot of things to deal with... :(
His picture fell from the book shelf... I'm sure they are still around for a while, to make sure that you're alright. I know it may sounds weird, but when I came home after I had to put my Katz to sleep, there were some familiar noises and sounds in my rooms as if she was still there...
If the pain ever goes away? Well, I would say the nature of the pain changes with the passing of time. The emptiness goes away eventually, also the feeling of disbelief, and one day - it can take a while - you might realize that you remember the good moments you shared with your little cat boy and then there will be a smile on your face coming from these memories, and not only tears - still bitter sweet, but warm and full of love...
Kirsten
This thread brought so many tears to my eyes also. It was really hard to read because I can feel your pain. Your Smudgie is one of the most beautiful and unique cats I have ever seen. The pain won't go away, but it will ease into the back of your heart. Hold your other kitties closer than usual tonight and know that your Smudgie is running free at Rainbow Bridge. You two will be reunited again someday.
rg_girlca
05-07-2002, 04:32 PM
Oh L-A my heart goes out to you. So much has happened in your life and now this. Yes gradually the pain does go away but you are left with a lifetime of precious, wonderful memories. Your
Smudgie was one beautiful cat. The markings on him are so gorgeous and unique. Now when i think of my Rainbow Bridge furbabies, it brings a smile to my face cause i was blessed to have them as a part of my life.
When my Captain, male tabby, died in my arms of a stroke, in his final moments, he looked up at me and meowed, and i told him "It's ok baby, you sleep now and rest in peace." I still believe that when he looked up at me and meowed, he was thanking me for the wonderful life i gave him and for being there with him in his final moments.
So when Smudgie's picture fell, i believe it was his way of thanking you for the wonderful life and love you gave him and for letting him rest in peace.
You did the right thing L-A cause you didn't leave your beloved Smudgie to go on and suffer as he would have.
You and your beloved Smudgie are in my thoughts and my prayers.
yorkster
05-07-2002, 05:12 PM
L-A
I am so sorry for you, and I understand: I lost my precious Liza about a year and a half ago to kidney cancer. It was a difficult decision to put her down, but I know it was the kindest thing to do. Please have no doubt that you also did the best thing for Smudgie.
I was looking at his pictures and he is indeed beautiful and unique.
You will see him again someday!
And right now he is at the RB, no longer in pain. Probably running around having lots of fun and having tuna for dinner!
Our thoughts are with you,
yorkster, Kedi, Wylie, & Scout
tuxluvr
05-07-2002, 05:32 PM
Originally posted by L-A.
.. he won't be there for our nightly snuggle...
This gets easier, right? The pain goes away eventually?
Why does doing the right thing have to hurt so damn much??
The deep heartache of loss is the purest evidence of a deep and abiding love. While the pain of goodbye can only be comforted by time and grace, the opportunity to have experienced such a love is eternally precious. Those who know that kind of loss have also known that kind of love, and as such are ever blessed.
moosmom
05-07-2002, 08:15 PM
L-A.
I'm so sorry to hear about Smudgie. You did what was right. It's hard to make those kinds of decisions for our pets. They cannot tell us what is wrong.
Smudige was a beautiful cat. I LOVE his little nose! My cat Marina Mar had to be euthanized in November because of an immune problem. She was only 2 1/2 years old. But the bond that we had was priceless. I miss her unique purr and the way she slept on my chest.
It does get easier but you never stop missing them. I did a memorial to Marina Mar in the Rainbow Bridge site. It helped. They also have grief chats you can participate in with others that have gone through the same thing.
You and Smudgie are in my thoughts and prayers.
Donna
Harley
05-07-2002, 08:52 PM
L.A., I am so sorry for your loss. It's only natural to want to be selfish and keep our loved ones with us, but I know from experience that it takes a loving heart to let them go when they're suffering. My thoughts are with you.
Of course he wil forgive you. I asked myself the same question last September. Seeing my Gigio during his last couple of days made me think that I would be grateful to anyone who would do the same to me if I ever will be in the same state he was in.
The pain will be less harsh eventually. You will miss him, but the pain will turn into a nostalgic feeling and you will be able to think of him without thinking that your heart is going to tear any minute and you will be able to smile remembering all those precious moments you shared with him. This is what happened to me with all the pets who are no longer here with me.
Hug the others they are bewildered too.
Smudgie was a very beautiful cat.
I'm crying my eyes out right now, not only is this extremely sad but it also reminds me of my Titti. She had to be put to sleep because her kidneys stopped working, and I wasn't even there with her and God...
I'm so sorry.
... Shuby and Sassy are still oblivious and playing...
... Ashes is now going into every room and meowing, then coming in and meowing at me... I just wish he'd stop staring at me, it makes me uncomfortable...
Last night my husband came home and we had another cry.. We brought Smudgie's picture into the bedroom, and we both hugged it... Then Kevin left for a smoke (i'm allergic to smoke, and so was Smudgie, so Kevin smokes outside..) and Sassy (my ginger tabby) came up on the bed, and I told her the story of how I found Smudgie.. I was able to do it without crying, so I think I can do it here...
I've lived in this hi-rise apartment since I was 6 months old, I am now 33.. I moved out of my parents apartment on the 4th floor up to the 7th floor with my boyfriend (now hubby)..
Running down the stairs to see my Mum before I left for work, I heard this little meow and I looked down just as I was about to step on this little guy.. He was SO TINY... he had a flea collar that was too big (and obviously NOT working as he was covered with fleas) and his belly was SO fat (I've had cats all my life, so I concluded worms..) He was SO sweet... So I picked him up and took him to my Mum's house, and asked her if she could find someone to house him until I came home from work.. She did, a gentleman on the 7th floor... So I came home from work and posted a sign about the found cat.. NO ONE answered it, so I made plans...
Then I had to figure out how to tell my husband, as he wasn't too fond of cats at this time... (boy, did THAT ever change..) so I made him his favourite pasta dinner and got a nice bottle of wine... I told him about the cat, and he relented... After dinner Kevin's sister called and I left to get the cat... I came back in, Kevin took one look, he dropped the phone (left Tracey hanging) and said, 'Awwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!'.. Right then, I knew we were keeping him...
He was purring VERY loudly.. because of this and his face, we decided to call him Sir Evinrude Smudge, with Smudgie for short. I took him to the vet, who said he was about 5 weeks old. I almost died..
After getting him dewormed (we went through SO much cat food, it was like the feeding of the 5000 for him..), he was SO loving... and so mischievious.. We came home once to find him stuck to the screen door, we had no idea how long he'd been there!
He accepted every other housecat we had with love, never fought.. He always had kisses, he knew when you were upset...
We bred guinea pigs for some time as well.. I'd put the cage part on the floor, and wash the base.. while it was drying, my Dad asked me to go out with him, and I completely forget about the piggies on the floor with the top part of the cage open.. I remembered as we drove in the driveway coming home.. I raced upstairs, opened the door, ran into the piggy room.. and there, in the cage, was Smudgie fast asleep, with the piggies snuggled up to him and sleeping as well... That is the memory I hold closest to me..
Rest in Peace, My #1 boy. Mummy loves you. ((single tear falls))
At least now I am not scared of death. I now have something to look forward to.
sasvermont
05-08-2002, 07:27 AM
The little picture on the left of the photo is Mandy girl. The picture was taken just moments before she was taken to be put down - in Feb. 01. It broke my heart. I cried for days before and days after. She had cancer of the tongue. Miley girl is a current cat and is the cat on the cat condo, playing below pictures of my current and past cats. It is my shrine to all my kitties. I have a picture of myself plastered in between all the cat photos.
I find this to be quite soothly to see them/us all together, since they are all still in my heart and will always be so.
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid19/p49509ba9436855a97b45fe76c63b9ac1/fdc3012f.jpg
I hope as each day passes, you will be able to understand your sad sad day to be one that we all must go through with our pets and our humans! It is part of the cycle, however sad - and it is, for sure.
Be strong! We will all be thinking of you and all those who must endure events like this.
That is such a beautiful story L-A. The part with the guinea pigs was hearwarming...
What a sweet story L_A. I can just picture Smudgie in the case the the piggies, it's one of those magic moments. :)
Kirsten
05-08-2002, 09:24 AM
Yes, very heartwarming, your Smudgie had such a sweet personality - and please don't feel sorry that you made us cry!
Kirsten
((sigh))...
I can't handle another death and I can't afford the vet...
I don't think I could handle it... My life is on stand-still as it is for now...
My husband's cousin breeds Golden Retrievers, and we'll be getting a puppy around Christmas time to fill the void.. Hopefully that will be enough time to grieve...
Logan
05-08-2002, 01:09 PM
Originally posted by L-A.
I don't think I could handle it... My life is on stand-still as it is for now...
My husband's cousin breeds Golden Retrievers, and we'll be getting a puppy around Christmas time to fill the void.. Hopefully that will be enough time to grieve...
Music to this Golden Lover's ears!!! What a wonderful dog you will be getting!!! :)
It will get better, I promise. The sadness never totally goes away, but it softens after a while.
lynnestankard
05-08-2002, 01:55 PM
Dear L.A. - I do hope Shuby and Sassy are going to be OK. As Chuck said - they might be grieving too. Hope everything's going to be fine.
Your lovely story of how Smudgie came into your life was heartwarming and yes, I did shed a tear or two. But hey thats what it's all about - saying Goodbye properly to a much loved furbaby. He must have been a complete joy for you and your hubby - weren't you lucky to have had such a beautiful cat? I think you were.:)
Lynne
krazyaboutkatz
05-09-2002, 01:15 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I sure hope that your other cats will be okay. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Kevin (hubby) and I reminisced about when I was cleaning the guinea pigs, and I just turned my back for one second... The wire top part of the cage wasn't on, put the piggy was in the cage, Smudgie jumped up, tilted the cage, Zamboni was airborne and landed right on the bag of shavings... We almost peed ourselves laughing..
I read my book last night with Smudgie's picture beside me.. I kissed the picture goodnight before I turned out the light.. It is getting easier..
Well, I'm off for a poo hunt... ;)
((love to all))
L-A.
lynnestankard
05-09-2002, 09:53 AM
Love and Cuddles {{{{xx}}}} coming right back L.A.
Lynne
I hope it was just an isolated incident..
((crosses everything that can be crossed))
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