I need a friend

[mina'smomma]

My life is coming to darkness. I can't seem to pull myself out of this depression and not even my psychiatrist can help. Back in January I found out that because of the birth control patch I basically can't have any children. My husband and I wanted a baby so bad. I was doing alright after we lost Amylynn, but this is like another slap in the face. I feel like such a loser and a failure. I want to lash out at my friends when they come over with their children or call to tell us they're having a baby. I hate they way I feel, but I can't seem to shake.

Anyway sorry to disturb everyone I just needed to talk.

[Karen]

Oh, sweetie, have you thought about adoption?

I know it hurts right now, I know it. I'll PM you. But we love you, and hope that you get a second opinion, and are given hope. If you cannot give birth, maybe there's a baby out there who needs the love you can give it? That's a personal decision, of course, but I some wonderful people who were adopted and are as close to their adoptive parents as anyone I know - and even closer to them than many biological children I've encountered.

[BOBS DAD]

Oh, sweetie, have you thought about adoption?

I know it hurts right now, I know it. I'll PM you. But we love you, and hope that you get a second opinion, and are given hope. If you cannot give birth, maybe there's a baby out there who needs the love you can give it? That's a personal decision, of course, but I some wonderful people who were adopted and are as close to their adoptive parents as anyone I know - and even closer to them than many biological children I've encountered.


YES... YES, I agree. Please do not despair. You are NOT a Failure! And yes, things can change so quickly. Think ahead... to better times. The old adage is really true, "Things always get worse before they get better". So you've been through the worse, the better is just on the horizon. Think about adoption if you really, really want children. ALL children are easy to love. They just "pull" the love out of you. Karen's advice is quite good and yes, you are loved here at PT!!!

[Catty1]

Oh Mina - hugs hugs hugs!

Psychiatrists are medical doctors who specialize in mental illnesses, just like a cardio doc specializes in hearts.

I wonder if a lot of love and support from others who have been there would help!

You are loved and supported here!

Also, call a women's shelter or crisis line, or your doctor, and see if you can locate a support group for women that are dealing with not being able to have a biological child of their own. Don't keep isolated!

AND - a second opinion never hurts!

hugs hugs hugs
Catty1

[jenluckenbach]

{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Please continue to try to get someone to help you out of this feeling. Sometimes you just can't do it on your own.

In the mean time, know this: It is NOT your fault!!. There is always a reason for each thing that happens in this life. You just need to keep an open mind to be able to see your path.

Remember.........You have friends and you are LOVED.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. You have loads of friends here, waiting to help in any way we can

[moosmom]

Oh Mina, I wish I had some words of wisdom to make it better honey. Life sucks sometimes. But like Karen said, I would definitely get a second opinion. Doctors CAN and often ARE incorrect in their diagnosis.

Don't EVER feel bad about coming here and posting. That's what this PT family is all about. We love and care about you deeply.

I've PM'd you.

[ramanth]

Oh Renae. *HUGS*

I'm so sorry you and Lee Roy are going thru this. There are other avenues though. Have you considered adoption?

Andy and I have already discussed this as my doctor told me I may not be able to concieve. Nature can be cruel, but it's no reason to not go on living and not give a child a chance at a happy home.

[mina'smomma]

Thanks everyone. I've been to four other doctors and they all concur with my inital doctor. Adoption is too expensive for us to pursue, and not only there are some small things that bar us from adopting right now.

[Samantha Puppy]

What happened with the patch that rendered you unable to have children? That isn't supposed to happen! Is there any way you could pursue legal action against the maker of the patch you wore? Then maybe adoption wouldn't be out of the question...

[Cataholic]

It sounds like you are still grieving the loss of Amylynn, and that may take so long to recover from. I wonder if a bereavement group might be of some help? It is easy for me to say, "don't worry, it gets better", but, I know from personal experience those words are absolutely meaningless.

However, YOUR life is not meaningless. That needs to get through to your poor grieving heart.

May you find comfort, somehow.

Hugs,
Johanna

[JenBKR]

I am so sorry that you are going through this - please PM me any time you need to talk. I am always here to listen. ((((hugs))))

[wolfsoul]

I wish I had some comforting words for you, but I just can't think of any. But if you ever need to talk about depression, I am here. I have been suffering from borderline personality disorder for most of my life, so I know depression well. If you need any tips, maybe I could help you out. I'm so sorry that you can't have children. You should really look into sueing the company, then maybe you will have enough money to adopt.

[Laura's Babies]

My neice's doctor told her she'd never have children and for the first 10 or so years she was married, she didn't. By the time she had the third baby, she decided the doctor was wrong and started using birth control.

What ever is going on in your body, God has a plan for you so trust in Him!

[king2005]

What happened with the patch that rendered you unable to have children? That isn't supposed to happen! Is there any way you could pursue legal action against the maker of the patch you wore? Then maybe adoption wouldn't be out of the question...

I have to agree 100% here.

I was on the patch for 2yrs & I was told that there is nothing to worry about. Now you have me worried! My chances of having ababy are already low, but if the patch has made it worse, then I don't know what I'll do :(

Please let us know what went wrong & sueing sounds like a good idea, then you can adopt a little one :)

[mina'smomma]

I have to agree 100% here.

I was on the patch for 2yrs & I was told that there is nothing to worry about. Now you have me worried! My chances of having ababy are already low, but if the patch has made it worse, then I don't know what I'll do :(

Please let us know what went wrong & sueing sounds like a good idea, then you can adopt a little one :)

With all the law suits against that patch right now I would be clumped in with them and they payout would be less then what I would spend on an attorney. According the specialists I've seen the hormones from the patch damaged my ovaries.

[king2005]

With all the law suits against that patch right now I would be clumped in with them and they payout would be less then what I would spend on an attorney. According the specialists I've seen the hormones from the patch damaged my ovaries.

There are a lot of law suits?!?
oh now :(
Do you know how long these poor women were on the patch before it did this to them? Maybe thats thats the real reason I was spotting !!! (I had never spotted in the 7yrs I was on birth control, until is all of a sudden started)...

[mina'smomma]

There are a lot of law suits?!?
oh now :(
Do you know how long these poor women were on the patch before it did this to them? Maybe thats thats the real reason I was spotting !!! (I had never spotted in the 7yrs I was on birth control, until is all of a sudden started)...

The patch has only been out four to five years. I was on it from the time it started. I'm assuming they are the same. These lawsuits cover everything from infertility, blood clots, heartattacks and some wrongful deaths. I just wished I had stayed on the pill. Maybe I wouldn't have gone through all of this.

[king2005]

The patch has only been out four to five years. I was on it from the time it started. I'm assuming they are the same. These lawsuits cover everything from infertility, blood clots, heartattacks and some wrongful deaths. I just wished I had stayed on the pill. Maybe I wouldn't have gone through all of this.

Damn, I was on it for 2yrs (just got off of it).. Maybe thats why I was having such horrible anxity attacks & mental breakdowns & not being able to remember anything.. I do know that since Ihave been of of it I remember EVERYTHING from the past (not that I wanted to remember any of that horrid stuff, but it was nice to know..kinda)... I was at the Dr.'s office only a couple of months ago, complaining about the Spotting & she said nothing about the patch making people very ill!!!! I just want to curse so baddly right now!!!

[Uabassoon]

The patch has only been out four to five years. I was on it from the time it started. I'm assuming they are the same. These lawsuits cover everything from infertility, blood clots, heartattacks and some wrongful deaths. I just wished I had stayed on the pill. Maybe I wouldn't have gone through all of this.

Please don't blame yourself for this. Everything happens for a reason. You have lots of friends here that will help you through this.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Aw Renae, I am so sorry you have to go through this..... :( .
You say your ovaries are damaged; has the doc talked to you about IVF? Of course, that isn't cheap either... :( .
Not be able to conceive is a very tough thing to accept. I know all about it!!
We went through same period, and finally decided to adopt. We have 2 adopted kids and we have a great family!
Isn't there a self-helf-group in your neighbourhood where you can talk with other couples like you?

lots of hugs to you, Renae!!

[Donnaj4962]

I am so sorry to hear about your health issues. I hope that you will be able to find a support group with other members who are having trouble dealing with the emotional issues of not being able to conceive. All my life, all I ever wanted was to have a child. But now at 44, I realize that my options are very limited. I, too, go through a very difficult time each time I hear of someone being pregnant or a new baby being born. I can relate to what you are feeling. I have opted to not go to baby showers because I know I will have a hard time controlling my emotions. I just send a gift and make an excuse for not being able to attend.

I was married for about 8 years, and we were never able to conceive. (Long story, but nothing is wrong with me physically that I could not conceive.) Now I am single again, with no prospects in sight, and each birthday that passes the realization becomes greater that I will never be a parent. BUT.... I agree with many others on here that you could consider adoption or even IVO. I know they are costly, and that you say there could be some issues preventing you from adopting, but please, do not give up.

I know that some of the adoption services (especially international) offer monetary assistance to families. Also, I know of one (single) lady who took out a second mortgage on her home to be able to adopt her daughter from Guatemala! She knows she will pay on it for years to come but also knows that it is worth it!

I have another friend whos brother and sister-in-law could not conceive, and they found a surrogate! She was a family friend who had 3 children of her own and offered to help them by carrying their baby. Baby Jack is now almost 3!

Keep the faith. Pray. And He will help you.

God bless you.

[luvofallhorses]

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( You don't deserve to go through this at all. :( (((hugs))) I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and if you need someone to talk to I am just a PM away. Please know that we are here for you and want to help you in any way we can.

[emily_the_spoiled]

I am so sorry to read thatyou are feeling like this. Remember you are not a failure! There are always options, you judt might not see them right now because you are grieving for everything that has happened.

Please do not rule out the possibility of IVF, in some states it is mandatory that this be paid for by the health insurance. So you might want to check that out...

[carole]

Just wanted you to know you are indeed among friends here, and we are always here to listen and help anyway we can, I won't even say i know how you are feeling because i don't but i can only imagine your heartache, and feel for you so much, I hope that in time you may beable to adopt,maybe it is not right for you at the moment, but in time it will be, I know nothing we say can will heal your heart right now, but I hope it will bring you some comfort in knowing we all care and are here for you anytime. HUGS.

[anna_66]

First off....{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}

I'm very sorry to hear about this but PLEASE do not think of yourself as a failure and don't worry about "disturbing" us, because your not. We're all here for you.

If not being able to have children makes you a failure then count me & a lot of other women in because I'm not able to have children either. That was my life's dream. I wanted to get married and have a family....well I don't have skin kids but I have three wonderful furkids:)
Yes, it's a hard blow when you really want them but if it's really meant to be you will find a way.
Hope I don't sound harsh, but I've delt with this for the last 20 years and I know what it feels like.

More {{{{HUGS}}}}

[chrangharris]

Reanae,

I'm so sorry that you are being faced with this. I can only imagine the pain and hurt you are feeling right now! Please know that we care about you very much and are praying for you! I wish I could give you a big hug!

Chris

[prechrswife]

(((((Hugs))))) I know you have to be devastated right now. Our infertility is unexplained, but I know how it is to want a child so desparately and to not be able to conceive. It took me quite awhile to come to terms with our situation. Now, we are in the process of adopting and should bring our baby home by the end of the year. It took us awhile to get to the point where we could afford to adopt, and also required getting to the point where we were emotionally ready. I do understand, at least on some level. You will be in my prayers...

[mina'smomma]

Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that I was admitted into a hospital for my depression and was released on outpatient terms in July. I'm doing better and have even been referred to a fertility specialist that is new to Mt. Pleasant to see if there is any hope of reversing the damage.

Thank you all for your kind words and your toughts. I'm glad to know I can turn to my friends when I need them. I've been really busy with work and fighting to saving my job, and we're even talking about moving out of state if I lose my job.

[JenBKR]

((((hugs)))) glad to know that you are taking care of yourself. Let us know how everything goes with the fertility clinic and your job.

[ramanth]

Yay! Many prayers for you. *hugs*

[jenluckenbach]

I am so glad you updated us. And glad you are getting help and feeling better.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

[kimlovescats]

Renae, I wasn't visiting PT during the time you started this thread. I'm so sorry to read about all that you've been dealing with. I am happy though to hear that you've gotten some help and I pray that things continue to improve for you! You are worthy, and not a failure in the least!

Hugs,
Kim