Cataholic
05-01-2006, 03:35 PM
If these don't make you laugh, please PM me. I want to report you to the humour police, pronto!
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you
think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold
cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began
removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his
students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the
Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they
understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He
grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know!
He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
"Well . . . . . every morning my father gets up, bangs on the
bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board of
the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was
the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
\Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture."
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~~
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you
think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold
cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began
removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his
students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the
Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they
understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He
grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know!
He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response.
The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds.
Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
"Well . . . . . every morning my father gets up, bangs on the
bathroom door, and yells, "Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in
class. She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board of
the 10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was
the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
\Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture."
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~~
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as
his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make
sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."