Grrrr... who's right here?

[catnapper]

A lot of what people are giving us for the baby is being given with the understanding that we'll return it after the baby outgrows it. Its not everything, but select items like a stroller, car seat, some clothes, etc. We'll be able to keep about half the stuff, and have been keeping track of who gave what, so if they ask for it back, we'll know what item was thier's (we have 2 of some things)

Anyhow, tonight, hubby overhead me talking to mom, when mom was saying how she has a huge box of stuff that my aunt has for us... and she would like it back for when her son has a baby. We (ash and I) TOTALLY understand and are happy we just have the stuff we need when we need it. Hubby on the other hand is furious that everything is "on loan" and is arguing that we give everything back and register for new stuff.

HELLO?! Is it me, or is that backwards? Why on earth would he insist on spending hundreds of dollars on new stuff that the baby will use for a year or less, only to then toss it into the basement for some unknown child that may or may not come after this baby.... when we have FREE, gently used stuff?

Did we miss a step in logic? Last week, he even said that she'd be able to give everything to another girl in need and "pay it forward"..... ummm.... so by giving this stuff to another pregnant teen would mean the stuff is no longer HERE to be used for the next grandbaby. MEN! Do their brains just short circuit?

[*JTM*Coco*pi*Caramel*]

I agree with you! If they want it back thats fine, if they or someone else they know have a baby! What the point of keeping it when it isnt in use? Paying it forward would be a good idea too but it is basically the same concept as giving it back to whoever gave it to you because in the end your still not gonna have it and you are helping out someone elses baby! Maybe hubby is just stressed out or something, or maybe it's a guy thing! Who knows! :p

[sirrahbed]

I am with you and Ash :) "Gently loved" baby items seem not only practical - but I also have found that folks really enjoy loaning or giving away these items - it feels so good to see things being used I think.

But, I know when we were expecting our first grandchild, I initially wanted to buy everything new with the idea that we could use it for multiple babies - plus it is exciting to shop for all of these things! So, maybe this is how Grant is feeling?

It did not take long for my practical and logical upbringing to win though :D I love being able to borrow and loan things - and to find fabulous items at the thrift store and garage sales. Newborn things especially are not used for very long and can be found in like new condition.

[moosmom]

Guys just don't understand. I gave all my daughter's baby stuff to a girl in need. Didn't think twice about getting it back cuz I knew it was the end of the line for me and child bearing.

I think it's totally insane to buy kid's clothes (everything is SOOO expensive these days) brand new when they outgrow them so fast. That's why there are so many baby consignment shops around. Gently used stuff is what it's called. Wish I had thought of the idea. I'd be rich!!! :p

[critter crazy]

I agree with you!! All of our stuff for our son was given to us by family members, most of which has been in the family for years!! It was great! the history alone was awsome and it saved us so much money!! when we were done with the stuff we just gave it back!! the fact that we could give it back and save room in our house was also a great thing!! Hubby will figure it out soon enough when he sees how much this stuff costs!! :D

[chrangharris]

We've always looked for gently used stuff if we were the one buying it! If hubby has a huge problem with it, register for things but don't turn away any donations. After the baby showers and what not, you can see what has been loaned for you, what has been bought and what is still needed. It might be a way to compromise with hubby :D

Most of the stuff Misha only used for a few months and has been in storage waiting on the this next one. I have a close friend who has a son a few months older then Misha. We always talk over big buys and try not to get the same things so we can swap things out!

[jenluckenbach]

Let me be inside Grant's mind for a moment. ( :eek: scary thought)

I would bet you that is isn't about "new vs. used". I bet it is more that the people are giving things to you with "strings attached". OK, so a large ticket item, like a crib, might be given to you "on loan", and he might accept that without question. But I can understand the feeling going on if most of the stuff isn't really being given to you as YOURS! (in other words, yours to give to whomever you'd like to after baby is finished with it).

So, now that we can understand what he might be thinking, you can sympathize with him ("I understand how you feel.") but continue to accept whatever, where ever ("But we need to save money wherever possible")

Get it?

[catnapper]

I told him that the crib from his sister was one of the items with strings attached and he said "no it isn't!" He has NO clue what is going on.

He is absolutely fine with us getting used items, no problem with it... its the concept that we only have them for temporary loan.

I myself REFUSE to buy new stuff when we're shopping for things. We will need every penny we have to diaper and feed the baby, so it seems so frivolous to buy a new fill-in-the-blank, when we can find a "gently used" fill-in-the-blank for 90% off the retail price. We've hit every Goodwill within a 20 mile radius and just today I found out about one by my FIL, so we'll head there tomorrow on the relentless persuit of lamps (will we EVER find a lamp???)

But it seems so odd to me that we BUY this stuff for ourselves when the baby will only use a lot of it for a few months and thats it! The swing, cradle, buncie thingie, etc will all be something ion the $50 range that will be used for a few months each then the baby outgrows it. Makes no sense to me!

On another note, my mom is laughing at how frugal I'm being and how I'm turning the strangest things into beautiful things for the baby's room (just wait til you see the revamped microwave cart! ;) ) Its actually been very good for my creativity. :p

[jennawing]

I hate that on loan stuff. I never asked for anything back from my sister because she pulled that crap on me. Her oldest daughter is 3 years older than my daughter- and she gave me a lot of stuff- THEN- 8 years later- she wants stuff back because she decides she finally wants more kids? It was completely insane.

[Scooby4]

My two best friends just had babies about a year apart. They both had girls. The father of the first born was the same way. However, after the birth of the child, things quickly changed. I think he realized just how much "stuff" was filling up the house! :rolleyes: They still had to buy "new" things gradually as the baby grew naturally.
My two best friends have now passed things in between eachother. It was a tremendous help to them both. Ironically, because we are soo close, the same people were invited to BOTH baby showers! :rolleyes: It was almost the same people buying them things for their babies! You can imagine someone running into them at the store and saying "Didn't I buy that for Stacy?" and Karen be wearing it! :rolleyes:
It's just natural to share baby items. It's been done for generations. Otherwise, how else would you have your husband's sister's cradle? Or your grandmother's basinet? Once the baby is here, possession is in the baby and NOT the things! :p

[catnapper]

I hate that on loan stuff. I never asked for anything back from my sister because she pulled that crap on me. Her oldest daughter is 3 years older than my daughter- and she gave me a lot of stuff- THEN- 8 years later- she wants stuff back because she decides she finally wants more kids? It was completely insane.
BUT, this is not as if they said, "here have everything, its yours." EVERYONE said, "We want to give you what you need, but when you're done with it, we'd like it back because we'd like to use it for our next baby" EVERYONE was up front and told us that from the start -- both my brother and neighbor want at least one more baby as soon as possible. Both my neighbor and brother have babies that are 15 months old and both want to start trying for another very soon... I know for a fact my brother and his wife are already trying for a 3rd baby.

So this was not as if we've thought all along that it was ours to keep; we knew they were lending things to us from the first moment they excitedly offered things to us.

[caseysmom]

I don't see anything wrong with the loans, when I was pregnant we had tried for 9 years to have kids and saved a lot of money. My friend in los angeles wanted to send me a bassinet that was passed among friends of hers, she shipped it to me, I signed my daughters name on the back along with other babies and sent it back when I was done, it was pretty neat.

This earth has enough stuff in landfills we need to conserve the resources we have.

[carole]

Sounds like a case of MANLY PRIDE appearing, gosh i think that would be plain dumb not to take up these peoples generous offers, they might be quite offended too, it is not like you are loaded or anything, any help i would imagine would be greatly appreciated, i never had all brand new stuff for my babies, bit of both really, my sister had some lovely stuff she gave for my son, and i was more than happy to have it,i still get pass me downs in the family, like furniture etc, and hey i am not too proud to accept it either, i think that is what this is all about with hubby, i could be wrong, but just my thoughts on the subject, tell him to pull his head in and behave himself and accept gratefully lol. :)

[jackie]

I agree with you!! All of our stuff for our son was given to us by family members, most of which has been in the family for years!!

Same here. I think ¨on loan¨ stuff is great. Who knows how long it will be until another baby comes along after this one. what is the point letting stuff collect dust when it could be used? Tell him if he has such a problem with it, he can return the on loan items, and give him a price list of the money he will spend on stuff you already have!

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I don't understand men either... but I would guess.. because this is his first grandbaby.. that he will want to keep the things the baby uses.. I am sure that after the baby grows out of it he will be thankful you guys won't have to store it...


I am soooo thankful for the things (crib, swing, bassinet) and other things loaned to me.. Not only do I not have a place now to store them... but I can't afford them... I'm sure once the baby is here he won't even think twice about the "things" anymore.

[finn's mom]

Just like Carole said, it does seem like pride. Guys tend to thrive on statistics and numbers and black and white. Maybe if you could put together something showing exactly how much people spend on babies when they're first born, or something like their first year, he might be able to see it more clearly. Not sure, though, I just remember in the last week seeing about how people budget for baby, but, then seem to forget to budget in hospital bills, somehow. I wish you the best of luck getting through to him and maybe even finding a middle ground. Maybe do half of the stuff on loan. My ideas might sound sleepy, it's because I am. ;)

[chrangharris]

I had another thought- maybe you could ask him to pick out one very special thing for the baby from him. That is his job to get and then it can become a heirloom of some sort. "My grandpa got this for me when I was a baby and now I'm using it for my child". It doesn't have to be anything big- maybe a special wooden toy, blanket, doll, etc. That might help him feel more involved in the baby-thing (guys get kind of pushed to the side in all the planning) and help with the "baby is getting nothing new" syndrome.

Sirrahned did that for Misha- he made her a beautiful cradle that I am planning on keeping for all the babies. Once we outgrow babies, they have a toy for their dolls. When my kids start having kids, we'll pass the cradle around to be used for my grandbabies.

Misha came home from the hospital in a blanket that her Dad's grandma made for him. I loved the thought and love that went into that one blanket and that her great-grandchild got use out of it.