What should I do?

[Lobodeb]

I received a box in the mail yesterday. Wasn't expecting anything. I look at the sender and it's my dad's "widow." I open the box and find various items, some of which I really wanted. I am very grateful that she sent these things, however, I'm in a bit of a quandry. I don't like this woman. I never have. I tolerated her while my dad was with her, but she is the reason he is dead, IMHO. She killed him inside. I told my dad before he married her that she would be the end of him. He didn't believe me. The things she sent were, in part, a ring my mom gave my dad, his wedding ring when he was married to my mom, a ring my grandma gave him and the rosary and cross that were in his coffin. She also sent some cards I had sent him and some of his schematics from various things he's built for me.

My question to you is this:

Do I send her a thank you note? Part of me says yes. That she didn't have to send them to me. She could have easily thrown these things away without me knowing. Mind you, I didn't ask for any of these things. The other part says no. She acted like an itch with a B at the funeral. And the things she sent were things that had to do with me and my mom. She never liked the fact that my dad still wore the ring my mom gave him.

What do you think?

[kuhio98]

Yep, send her a note. It honors your father and the choice he made to marry her. It was a thoughtful thing for her to do. Especially, if she knows you don't care for her.

[caseysmom]

You are so much better than her just send her a short thank you, you will feel better about it in the long run.

[Lizzie]

I agree that a brief note thanking her for taking the time to send the things to you and that you appreciated receiving them is appropriate. You won't want to make it personal, talking about what the items mean to you. I doubt if you will regret sending it, but if you don't you will probably regret that decision later.

[jenluckenbach]

Please send a thank you note.

[joycenalex]

send her a thank you note. you be the class act she should be.

[JenBKR]

I agree with the above, be the better person and send a brief note.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Send her a note - your Dad would be proud of you

[elizabethann]

My 1st reaction was "hell no", but after thinking about it, I think you should send a quick and to the point note, just thanking her for the items - nothing else - no "hope you're doing fine...yada yada yada". I think you'll feel better.

Take care.

:)

[lv4dogs]

I agree with everyone else, just a simple quick thank you will do.

[Corinna]

I agree be a class act . thank her she didn't have to return them .

[Lobodeb]

Does it change anyone's mind knowing that they were separated when he died? They were waiting till the end of the year to file for their divorce for tax reasons. :rolleyes:

[jazzcat]

Yes, yes, yes send her a thank you note. I have a sister in law that is a class A Witch and has made my life heck, especially during my mother's funeral but I still acknowledge the few and far between nice things she does for me which for the past few years has just been Christmas gifts (even though I know it was only because of my brother). I tried to play on her level and be a witch right back to her and it made me feel horrible. By sending her thank you notes for what she did it makes me feel like the better person and I can live my life knowing I've done the right thing and any problems are her problems. My life has been much happier since I've let a lot of that anger go.

(((HUGS)))

[lv4dogs]

Does it change anyone's mind knowing that they were separated when he died? They were waiting till the end of the year to file for their divorce for tax reasons. :rolleyes:

No becuase she still went out of her way & thought of you, she took the time to send you those items that she didn't have to send you if she didn't want to.

Nothing fancy what so ever, just a simple thank you thats all. Of course my motto is forgive & forget, if that makes a difference. Life is too short to dwell on the little things in life.

[caseysmom]

If you are harboring all these feeling and really feel that she pushed your father over the edge. Send her a letter, thank her for sending those items but then tell her whats in your heart, it may make you feel better and you will be an advocate for your father.

[Lobodeb]

Thanks everyone!

I guess I'll suck it up and send her a note. :p Blah!

[Cataholic]

I would send her a thank you note, because it reflects on the type of person YOU are, not her, YOU. Always better to be gracious.

[beeniesmom]

Yes, send her a Thank you note.
It was very considerate of her to send you those things.

[finn's mom]

I say definitely send her a note. It's up to you completely if you want to include a letter or more than just a thank you for the thoughtfullness of the package. Personally, I'd just send her a note.

[mina'smomma]

I think you should send her a thank you note. Although she was not nice to you doesn't mean you should stoop to her level. This will also honor your father's memory. Besides we all know your better then her hun.

[moosmom]

Debby,

Definitely send a thank you note. Like everyone said, she could've have just thrown them out. That was nice of her. And cherish the things she sent you.

When my Dad passed away, I was left with everything he had (which wasn't much, believe me). I didn't get along with my stepmother either. We also tolerated each other for my Dad's sake. She died before he did so I didn't have any problems. Except for my youngest stepsister. After her mother died, she stole the rings my Dad gave to her mother. I went and retrieved them from her, promising her I'd give them to her when my father passed away, as they really had no signifigance to me. I did just that. Never heard from her or the other 2 wicked stepsisters ever again. That suits me just fine.

Be greatful your stepmother sent you the things she did. Now you don't have to be bothered with her. Sorry about your Dad's passing.

[lizbud]

Thanks everyone!

I guess I'll suck it up and send her a note. :p Blah!


Good. You will be the better woman for it. :)

[Toby's my baby]

Glad you decided to send her a thank you note, I think you'll feel better, than if you wouldn't have.

[Flatcoatluver]

I voted wrong, I would sent a thank you note too, but I said no on accsident.

[joycenalex]

Does it change anyone's mind knowing that they were separated when he died? They were waiting till the end of the year to file for their divorce for tax reasons. :rolleyes:
you'll still be classier for the note, no matter what type of person she is, you be the good example of how to act, let her be the bad one. ((HUGS)) it's gotta be hard on you.

[new mom to a veiled]

Deb I can say with 100% you are a very caring person, you would not have even pondered sending a thank you if you were not so caring. Think of it this way, at least she will know the package was recieved and your dad's personal items were not lost in the mail. You have a good head on your shoulders and a tender heart, do what feels best for you.

[carole]

I think i would send a quick thank you note too,doesn't have to say much, but expresses that you do appreciate the things you got, do whatever is in your nature, and from what i know about you on PT, you are a very caring, sweet lady, and i don't think you could just do nothing.

[Lobodeb]

FYI. I sent the thank you note on Friday. :rolleyes:

Dear _____________(black widow),

Thank you for sending me some of my dad's things. That was very nice of you and very much appreciated. I miss him so much.

Please tell ______ and _______(my step sisters) hello for me.

Love,

Debby.

[JenBKR]

I think that sounds perfect. You are the one with class in this situation.